As of 10 days ago, we moved back to New York! Got back to New York on the evening of 9/09, and it was my birthday the next day. The most stressful birthday I've ever had. Was in 0 mood to celebrate since I was EXHAUSTED with the flight back with baby the day prior and then just settling into the new place by myself with the baby since Carlo had to go to work. Imagine almost no sleep from an exhausting day just to have another exhausting day after it. No sleep for the wicked.
I remember that night thinking.. man, I miss those days where you would wake up and say something like, "I AIN'T DOING SHIT TODAY.." Yeah, you don't get that privilege when you're a parent..
My last post 2 weeks ago, I alluded to how bad Mya (and my) sleep was. That was seriously hell week. Probably the hardest week I dealt with at home. Of course it HAD to be the week prior to the flying back home when I had the least sleep I've had since she was probably a newborn.
Overall, the flight back wasn't bad. Mya doesn't really get too fussy when she's overtired.. at least in public. She tends to be quiet and super observant - it's usually when we're trying to put her down for sleep afterwards where it's hellish. All considering, she really didn't do that bad the first night with her schedule all messed up from the flight and then adjusting to the new place. She slept a few hours on the flight and when she was up, was just playing on our laps. I think she only got fussy once or twice and Carlo didn't have to walk her up and down the aisle very much, just like when we first flew back when she was 4 months old. I think we have a pretty good baby that can fly fairly well. And like I said, she adjusted to the new place pretty instantly, I think. She cried on the first night just because she was just tired, not because she was having trouble with the new place. Timezone-wise was also pretty instant b/c we had waken her up early in SF to catch our flight, so it all worked out I guess!
I was the one that needed more adjustment than the baby >_>.. probably had anxiety/overthinking how she would be adjusting beforeand, but she was fine. Of course. Gah. Being a parent causes so much anxiety. OR, at least for me...
But yeah!! Carlo did fly back to SF before we came back to NY. Mya seemed a little confused with Carlo, I think she half-way remembered him. It wasn't instant smiles or anything, but she didn't cry like he was a stranger either. When he first held her, she kinda kept staring and looking back at him like she was trying to recognize him, or thinking to herself.. hey.. you look kinda familiar.. I think it took maybe a day or two for her to fully get comfortable with him.
As for my mom.. poor mom.. definitely very sad that both her girls (me and Mya!!) left her after being with us for the last 7 months. I called her twice since we left (it's only been a week) and my mom teared up talking to us both times. BLAHH. Of course she misses her a ton and already sad to see her grow and develop so much within the last week already. Seriously though, she turned 7 months old as we got here and I swear really has been doing a lot of new things and already looks bigger already even though it's only been a week. It's crazy!
I can't believe it's only been 10 days since I've been back. It all feels very familiar and that I've been back for a long time already though. I do miss being with Carlo and and just having those quiet moments at home together as a couple (ha, at least when baby is sleeping!).. it's been nice to see him play and be so involved with the baby! And of course, it's nice for me to NOT be the one playing with her 100% of the time.. OMG I SO need the rest!
But yeah.. on me being back in NY. I have not been able to sleep well here, even though the baby is doing completely fine. Like I mentioned, I just have too much anxiety about the baby, I think.
The first few days, I think it was the temperature and timezone difference that I couldn't sleep.
Then I started worrying about her starting daycare and how she would do (overall, she's doing great).
I've also still worried about her sleep - but again, she's actually doing REALLY damn well. She only cries when she's hungry and it's usually just once a night. Most of the time now, she has slept with no night wakings.
I also have some worries about my breastmilk supply and hence, putting pressure on myself to pump more when possible, so there were a few nights that I got up in the middle of the night (like 2-3 AM) to pump and then couldn't sleep after. Of course, I know formula is absolutely OK (I am a formula baby myself) but I think as a mom, I can't help but feel guilty about not giving her breastmilk IF I am capable of it - plus shit, formula can get really expensive!! I keep telling myself these things and I KNOW all of these things, but I just need to actually believe in my own words, and I think I'm getting there. Both me and Carlo agreed that I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself because it's not good for my well-being. At the end of the day, Mya seems pretty freakin' happy with formula and she takes it really well (not all babies do!) - so I should stop guilt-tripping myself :( Babies stop needing breastmilk or formula at 12 months, and I already did a full 7 months, so I should be really proud of myself.. and I am.. I just need to remind myself constantly.
More than ever now, as a mom, I need to practice meditation and positive affirmations more than ever >_>.. pretty damn sure I have anxiety, it's not quite post-partum depression. I just love this girl so damn much and I want the best for her. It's crazy that I put so much pressure on myself to provide 'the best' for her, but she doesn't even know any better and would be happy with anything. All she needs is simply.. me. The way I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I need to tell myself that over and over.
I remember that night thinking.. man, I miss those days where you would wake up and say something like, "I AIN'T DOING SHIT TODAY.." Yeah, you don't get that privilege when you're a parent..
My last post 2 weeks ago, I alluded to how bad Mya (and my) sleep was. That was seriously hell week. Probably the hardest week I dealt with at home. Of course it HAD to be the week prior to the flying back home when I had the least sleep I've had since she was probably a newborn.
Overall, the flight back wasn't bad. Mya doesn't really get too fussy when she's overtired.. at least in public. She tends to be quiet and super observant - it's usually when we're trying to put her down for sleep afterwards where it's hellish. All considering, she really didn't do that bad the first night with her schedule all messed up from the flight and then adjusting to the new place. She slept a few hours on the flight and when she was up, was just playing on our laps. I think she only got fussy once or twice and Carlo didn't have to walk her up and down the aisle very much, just like when we first flew back when she was 4 months old. I think we have a pretty good baby that can fly fairly well. And like I said, she adjusted to the new place pretty instantly, I think. She cried on the first night just because she was just tired, not because she was having trouble with the new place. Timezone-wise was also pretty instant b/c we had waken her up early in SF to catch our flight, so it all worked out I guess!
I was the one that needed more adjustment than the baby >_>.. probably had anxiety/overthinking how she would be adjusting beforeand, but she was fine. Of course. Gah. Being a parent causes so much anxiety. OR, at least for me...
But yeah!! Carlo did fly back to SF before we came back to NY. Mya seemed a little confused with Carlo, I think she half-way remembered him. It wasn't instant smiles or anything, but she didn't cry like he was a stranger either. When he first held her, she kinda kept staring and looking back at him like she was trying to recognize him, or thinking to herself.. hey.. you look kinda familiar.. I think it took maybe a day or two for her to fully get comfortable with him.
As for my mom.. poor mom.. definitely very sad that both her girls (me and Mya!!) left her after being with us for the last 7 months. I called her twice since we left (it's only been a week) and my mom teared up talking to us both times. BLAHH. Of course she misses her a ton and already sad to see her grow and develop so much within the last week already. Seriously though, she turned 7 months old as we got here and I swear really has been doing a lot of new things and already looks bigger already even though it's only been a week. It's crazy!
I can't believe it's only been 10 days since I've been back. It all feels very familiar and that I've been back for a long time already though. I do miss being with Carlo and and just having those quiet moments at home together as a couple (ha, at least when baby is sleeping!).. it's been nice to see him play and be so involved with the baby! And of course, it's nice for me to NOT be the one playing with her 100% of the time.. OMG I SO need the rest!
But yeah.. on me being back in NY. I have not been able to sleep well here, even though the baby is doing completely fine. Like I mentioned, I just have too much anxiety about the baby, I think.
The first few days, I think it was the temperature and timezone difference that I couldn't sleep.
Then I started worrying about her starting daycare and how she would do (overall, she's doing great).
I've also still worried about her sleep - but again, she's actually doing REALLY damn well. She only cries when she's hungry and it's usually just once a night. Most of the time now, she has slept with no night wakings.
I also have some worries about my breastmilk supply and hence, putting pressure on myself to pump more when possible, so there were a few nights that I got up in the middle of the night (like 2-3 AM) to pump and then couldn't sleep after. Of course, I know formula is absolutely OK (I am a formula baby myself) but I think as a mom, I can't help but feel guilty about not giving her breastmilk IF I am capable of it - plus shit, formula can get really expensive!! I keep telling myself these things and I KNOW all of these things, but I just need to actually believe in my own words, and I think I'm getting there. Both me and Carlo agreed that I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself because it's not good for my well-being. At the end of the day, Mya seems pretty freakin' happy with formula and she takes it really well (not all babies do!) - so I should stop guilt-tripping myself :( Babies stop needing breastmilk or formula at 12 months, and I already did a full 7 months, so I should be really proud of myself.. and I am.. I just need to remind myself constantly.
More than ever now, as a mom, I need to practice meditation and positive affirmations more than ever >_>.. pretty damn sure I have anxiety, it's not quite post-partum depression. I just love this girl so damn much and I want the best for her. It's crazy that I put so much pressure on myself to provide 'the best' for her, but she doesn't even know any better and would be happy with anything. All she needs is simply.. me. The way I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I need to tell myself that over and over.
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