emolychan

most of this year i would summarize up to be BURNOUT (from work). i literally worked a straight 9 hours a day and would feel guilty/stressed if i even had to step like 10-15 minutes to prep lunch - because the work was seriously endless. it was always just being RE-active because there was no time to ever do anything proactively or even look at your work retroactively. it was pretty much when COVID hit that my work became like that - so i dealt with it for about eight months. i didn't really understand what 'burn out' meant but man, do i understand it now after having experienced it. subconciously waking up early to do work because every day was a long day ahead. not being able to have ANY time for myself. constantly wondering to myself why the fuck am i doing this to myself and the guilt of not bringing in income if i were to quit - and with the presence of COVID, feeling like i was ungrateful for hating my situation (having a job even though i was miserable, vs not havin

AHHHH MY MAMA HEART.. we were playing with Mya before bed like we always do and she got the idea to tuck me in with a bath towel and told me to lie down on the floor. i pretended to sleep and she kept laying a bath towel over me, over and over again. she wanted to lay it perfectly flat and it wasn’t the way she wanted it. she seriously did this for like 30 minutes and i couldn’t contain my smile and laughter because it was so fucking endearing and the way she was doing it was so gentle and loving.. especially when her warm lil baby hands would graze over my bare arms. she was so quiet as if i were really sleeping and i could hear her lil concentrated baby breaths. when i would pretend to wake up to actually get her ready to sleep she would just say “Mommy lay down.” i thanked her one time for tucking me in and she had the proudest smile on her face. she stopped tucking me in and sat a couple of feet away to watch me sleep. my dear heart! i love her so fucking much. i think she would ha

current fav toy is a HUGE box that she loves walking in and out of. one of the flaps acts as a door.  likes to direct/tell mommy/daddy what to do (go inside the box - "mommy inside?? mommy inside? mommy inside!!!")  sometimes picks up books on her own and turns pages / looks at them by herself doesn't like going in the stroller and throws a tantrum/cries probably b/c she wants to move around. right now it seems like the trick is to get her snacks - and carlo just started using the baby carrier again walks outside for longer periods of time, while holding our hand. she gets scared easily when she hears loud cars, or a train or if she feels like she's on an open street and then just clamors to come up. hopefully she'll just get bigger and better! it's kinda crazy that those kinds of sounds are just white noise to us as adults, but i can definitely understand if you're a tiny baby that it's super scary and foreign hates diaper changes! always runs away lo