From here, I was given a hospital gown to change into, and I'm only able to change halfway when I have another contraction. Every time I had a contraction, I couldn't help but feel the urge to push. (I had read about this in the baby books!!) While crouching on the the changing room floor, I'm hoping I can even get into the hospital gown properly.. I'm not even able to button the back of it when I feel something down there. I touch it and I'm like.. I hope that's not my baby's head.. I look down and it's a fucking water bag just hanging out of me!!
I call out to the nurse, like "Umm.. there's a water bag hanging out of me.." and she looks and asks me to sit on the bed so they can check me properly.. I asked, "Should I sit or stand...?" I didn't really want to sit or lie there in case the water bag would pop, so I think I ended up awkwardly standing there, when the nurse asked me if my water broke, and just then, water started dripping out O_O
One of the nurses looked straight in my eyes and told me, "It's too late to get an epidural at this point, you're REALLY close, and it's not going to do anything for you." I honestly told her, "That's fine, I was planning on going no epidural, so guess it's better I don't even have the option." They told me I was already at +1 station. This refers to how far your baby is down your pelvis. While it's still agove your pelvis, I think it's still -5 to 0 stage. When it's past your pelvis, it's 0-5 stage, with 5 meaning the baby is ready to be delivered. EEK.
Everything happened really fast at this point. I didn't even have time to think or process or feel anything emotionally, with questions being asked left and right from the nurses/doctors (same questions, multiple times, from different people!) while I exasperatedly answer between contractions. I realize now they were probably asking the same questions over and over again, because they didn't have time to properly do my process/check-in paperwork, since I had to be rushed from triage straight into the delivery room. I imagine there's usually a fat stack of paperwork, but Carlo told me he only got through about 2 papers when they told him they needed to get into the delivery room with me.
I get into the delivery room and it's a bunch of lights, equipment, and people. Probably like.. 7 people plus my mom and Carlo (so 9 total!). Everything was just a blur with my IV going in, more questions, introductions of who they were, etc, etc - all of this while I'm just in pain. I think this whole time I was lying on my back with the back of my hand on my forehead (that pose where you're suffering, lollll) I don't quite have a strong memory of anything because it all happened so fast.
There's a lot that goes on in the delivery room! There was 2 doctors in front of me, Carlo on one side holding my leg, another nurse on the side holding my other leg. Probably another nurse or two assisting the doctors, and then two more nurses on the side watching the vital monitors for both me and baby. It was completely quiet (except for the vital monitors) when I was between contractions. I would just close my eyes, breathe deeply, and make a conscious effort to be calm/relaxed (because I didn't want to tense up my muscles and waste energy) - seriously - your body is going through SO much trauma with each contraction, holy moles.
I just remember when we first get to start pushing. They would have to wait for each contraction to happen before I could push - it was probably like.. IDK.. 30 secs to a minute apart? Each contraction lasted about a minute so they always had a minute window to get me to push, and then I would have like 30-40 secs of rest. (TIMING IS ALL ESTIMATED, I HAVE NO IDEA..)
They instructed me exactly how to push (holding my thighs with my knees apart and chin in, while holding your breath - exactly like how you'd push a poo.. lol. Now, it's no wonder it's not surprising that people poop while they deliver. (And no, this did not happen to me.)
I always ended up doing the opposite because I was in so much pain and my body would just do its own thing. The nurses there were really awesome though, and kept saying motivating things to me even though I KNEW I kept pushing wrong afterwards - I did finally get the hang of it like.. the last 2 times!! The next baby (if we have one!) I'll know better what to do.
I don't know how many times I pushed.. but it was very exhausting. And I even only pushed for an hour, I don't know how some women can go longer!! With each contraction, they'd try to get me to do 3 strong pushes, each lasting 10 seconds long. IT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY USING ALL YOUR MIGHT FOR THOSE 10 SECONDS. I would push at my 100% for those 10 seconds, get only 2 seconds to rest, and they would ask me to push again. They kept saying, you're so close, you're doing so well, you have one more push in you - and I'm just like.. I'm tired, I can't! I REALLY tried my absolute hardest for those 2 pushes.. Carlo said he saw the defeated look in my face every time they would ask me to do the third one. But goddamnit, I'm aware of what I am capable and what I am NOT capable of.
The doctors and nurses kept telling me how impressed they were at how composed and calm I was. One of them was like, "It takes A LOT to impress us!" so that was really reassuring.. just have to direct your energy in a positive and productive way.
It felt like the baby was in the same spot for FOREVER, but they kept saying I was making progress. Carlo told me later the baby did make about an inch progress each time but it sure didn't feel like it. I did feel a bit defeated because I really was trying my hardest, and I also knew I wasn't pushing correctly - but what can ya do.. the contractions won't stop until the baby is out, so I just had to keep going. PLUS the doctor told me that he MIGHT have to perform an episiotomy (helping cut you open just a bit to help the baby come out) so that also gave me a bit of motivation to do better O_O to help avoid that.
With each push, there was a lot happening. The doctor (I think) would massage my *down there* area out to avoid tearing (I def saw a HUGE lube bottle being poured on me, so I was very grateful for that, knowing that they were doing their best to avoid me having a tear, too... lol) I mean, there was ALOT of things going down there, whether it be my contractions or the doctors doing stuff - I have no idea. I don't remember the labor part being the worst part of the labor process. It felt more like like.. an extended gyno check-up with the doc constantly all up in your vag.. and the contractions were strong, but it was just literally working to push the baby out and that was my main focus.
I think the actual worst part of the labor were the strong contractions BEFORE I had to push (when they intensified at home and up until I got into the hospital).. . maybe because it didn't seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel? When you're pushing, you at least know you have an end goal.
ANYWAY. After what seems like the same ritual of me pushing for so many rounds (of course I say that now, but each round was very difficult!), they started exclaiming that the head was starting to come out. It didn't feel any different to me.. lol. They asked Carlo if he wanted to touch the head, and he was like.. naw.. but they insisted and he did it anyway, lol. They asked ME if I wanted to touch the head and I'm just like. No. Few more pushes and I definitely feel the baby sliding out!
So much happened, so fast. Carlo cuts the cord and they put the baby skin-to-skin on me immediately. I wish it was a more intimate moment. But the docs are still down there dealing with after-birth and stitching me back up, a bunch of staff congratulating me and Carlo, nurses trying to clean the baby, a lot of voices and things and sounds.. To be honest, I don't think I was ever able to process that I JUST PUSHED OUT A DAMN HUMAN, or that I just gave birth to a new life. I was more exhausted than anything, but I was really glad she was out - and most importantly, healthy.
In that instant, our lives changed. I think it still didn't really kick in until all the different nurses and staff would constantly pop in and genuinely be so excited for us and kept congratulating us, but the baby doesn't really feel as if it's entirely YOURS because there's just so much going on.
CRAZY. Especially crazy that was just 5 days ago. Welp, baby is definitely all ours now :) so far, life as new parents hasn't been too bad. Really glad we have my mom here to help. Definitely running on lack of sleep, but learning lots along the way, and falling more in love with Mya every day. My favorite moments with her are after she finishes feeding and she looks drunk/sleepy. But yeah! I can't believe we've just jumped into new parenthood just like THAT. No turning back now!
I call out to the nurse, like "Umm.. there's a water bag hanging out of me.." and she looks and asks me to sit on the bed so they can check me properly.. I asked, "Should I sit or stand...?" I didn't really want to sit or lie there in case the water bag would pop, so I think I ended up awkwardly standing there, when the nurse asked me if my water broke, and just then, water started dripping out O_O
One of the nurses looked straight in my eyes and told me, "It's too late to get an epidural at this point, you're REALLY close, and it's not going to do anything for you." I honestly told her, "That's fine, I was planning on going no epidural, so guess it's better I don't even have the option." They told me I was already at +1 station. This refers to how far your baby is down your pelvis. While it's still agove your pelvis, I think it's still -5 to 0 stage. When it's past your pelvis, it's 0-5 stage, with 5 meaning the baby is ready to be delivered. EEK.
Everything happened really fast at this point. I didn't even have time to think or process or feel anything emotionally, with questions being asked left and right from the nurses/doctors (same questions, multiple times, from different people!) while I exasperatedly answer between contractions. I realize now they were probably asking the same questions over and over again, because they didn't have time to properly do my process/check-in paperwork, since I had to be rushed from triage straight into the delivery room. I imagine there's usually a fat stack of paperwork, but Carlo told me he only got through about 2 papers when they told him they needed to get into the delivery room with me.
I get into the delivery room and it's a bunch of lights, equipment, and people. Probably like.. 7 people plus my mom and Carlo (so 9 total!). Everything was just a blur with my IV going in, more questions, introductions of who they were, etc, etc - all of this while I'm just in pain. I think this whole time I was lying on my back with the back of my hand on my forehead (that pose where you're suffering, lollll) I don't quite have a strong memory of anything because it all happened so fast.
There's a lot that goes on in the delivery room! There was 2 doctors in front of me, Carlo on one side holding my leg, another nurse on the side holding my other leg. Probably another nurse or two assisting the doctors, and then two more nurses on the side watching the vital monitors for both me and baby. It was completely quiet (except for the vital monitors) when I was between contractions. I would just close my eyes, breathe deeply, and make a conscious effort to be calm/relaxed (because I didn't want to tense up my muscles and waste energy) - seriously - your body is going through SO much trauma with each contraction, holy moles.
I just remember when we first get to start pushing. They would have to wait for each contraction to happen before I could push - it was probably like.. IDK.. 30 secs to a minute apart? Each contraction lasted about a minute so they always had a minute window to get me to push, and then I would have like 30-40 secs of rest. (TIMING IS ALL ESTIMATED, I HAVE NO IDEA..)
They instructed me exactly how to push (holding my thighs with my knees apart and chin in, while holding your breath - exactly like how you'd push a poo.. lol. Now, it's no wonder it's not surprising that people poop while they deliver. (And no, this did not happen to me.)
I always ended up doing the opposite because I was in so much pain and my body would just do its own thing. The nurses there were really awesome though, and kept saying motivating things to me even though I KNEW I kept pushing wrong afterwards - I did finally get the hang of it like.. the last 2 times!! The next baby (if we have one!) I'll know better what to do.
I don't know how many times I pushed.. but it was very exhausting. And I even only pushed for an hour, I don't know how some women can go longer!! With each contraction, they'd try to get me to do 3 strong pushes, each lasting 10 seconds long. IT SEEMS LIKE AN ETERNITY WHEN YOU'RE LITERALLY USING ALL YOUR MIGHT FOR THOSE 10 SECONDS. I would push at my 100% for those 10 seconds, get only 2 seconds to rest, and they would ask me to push again. They kept saying, you're so close, you're doing so well, you have one more push in you - and I'm just like.. I'm tired, I can't! I REALLY tried my absolute hardest for those 2 pushes.. Carlo said he saw the defeated look in my face every time they would ask me to do the third one. But goddamnit, I'm aware of what I am capable and what I am NOT capable of.
The doctors and nurses kept telling me how impressed they were at how composed and calm I was. One of them was like, "It takes A LOT to impress us!" so that was really reassuring.. just have to direct your energy in a positive and productive way.
It felt like the baby was in the same spot for FOREVER, but they kept saying I was making progress. Carlo told me later the baby did make about an inch progress each time but it sure didn't feel like it. I did feel a bit defeated because I really was trying my hardest, and I also knew I wasn't pushing correctly - but what can ya do.. the contractions won't stop until the baby is out, so I just had to keep going. PLUS the doctor told me that he MIGHT have to perform an episiotomy (helping cut you open just a bit to help the baby come out) so that also gave me a bit of motivation to do better O_O to help avoid that.
With each push, there was a lot happening. The doctor (I think) would massage my *down there* area out to avoid tearing (I def saw a HUGE lube bottle being poured on me, so I was very grateful for that, knowing that they were doing their best to avoid me having a tear, too... lol) I mean, there was ALOT of things going down there, whether it be my contractions or the doctors doing stuff - I have no idea. I don't remember the labor part being the worst part of the labor process. It felt more like like.. an extended gyno check-up with the doc constantly all up in your vag.. and the contractions were strong, but it was just literally working to push the baby out and that was my main focus.
I think the actual worst part of the labor were the strong contractions BEFORE I had to push (when they intensified at home and up until I got into the hospital).. . maybe because it didn't seem like there was a light at the end of the tunnel? When you're pushing, you at least know you have an end goal.
ANYWAY. After what seems like the same ritual of me pushing for so many rounds (of course I say that now, but each round was very difficult!), they started exclaiming that the head was starting to come out. It didn't feel any different to me.. lol. They asked Carlo if he wanted to touch the head, and he was like.. naw.. but they insisted and he did it anyway, lol. They asked ME if I wanted to touch the head and I'm just like. No. Few more pushes and I definitely feel the baby sliding out!
So much happened, so fast. Carlo cuts the cord and they put the baby skin-to-skin on me immediately. I wish it was a more intimate moment. But the docs are still down there dealing with after-birth and stitching me back up, a bunch of staff congratulating me and Carlo, nurses trying to clean the baby, a lot of voices and things and sounds.. To be honest, I don't think I was ever able to process that I JUST PUSHED OUT A DAMN HUMAN, or that I just gave birth to a new life. I was more exhausted than anything, but I was really glad she was out - and most importantly, healthy.
In that instant, our lives changed. I think it still didn't really kick in until all the different nurses and staff would constantly pop in and genuinely be so excited for us and kept congratulating us, but the baby doesn't really feel as if it's entirely YOURS because there's just so much going on.
CRAZY. Especially crazy that was just 5 days ago. Welp, baby is definitely all ours now :) so far, life as new parents hasn't been too bad. Really glad we have my mom here to help. Definitely running on lack of sleep, but learning lots along the way, and falling more in love with Mya every day. My favorite moments with her are after she finishes feeding and she looks drunk/sleepy. But yeah! I can't believe we've just jumped into new parenthood just like THAT. No turning back now!
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